Senior Assassin: Fear The Everything

Wanna know what’s scarier than the fact that I can roam the earth in 27 days? Being stalked by people who you never thought had a bad bone in their body as they lay on your lawn for hours, drinking rainwater, and surviving off the landscape. Their sole mission:  to spray you with a super soaker.

assassin4Paranoia has struck the seniors of HHS, making them wary of even walking outside in fear that an assailant is waiting patiently for them to come by. Senior Assassin has begun and for those of you who don’t know what it is, get your head out of your book and listen to any conversation between seniors. Six hundred dollars is on the line, 140 students enter, one leaves with the money. The object of the game is to shoot your target with a squirt gun outside of school. When you get them, they are eliminated and can no longer attain the jackpot. Whoever they had as a target now becomes your next victim. Matt Baressi and Mike Vigneaux, the headmasters behind this game of death, are carrying on a tradition held each spring at HHS for several years.  You can follow the drama on Twitter #HanoverSA2015.

At least 30 people are out so far and I haven’t left my safe house to go to the bathroom in four days and I’m running out of hot cups. I  managed to get some quotes via pneumatic tubes and carrier pigeon messages.

assassin“I got destroyed,” said Ally Cerone. Her assassin, Breanna Harris, waited outside Ally’s house in the rain and muck for days on end, but finally got her when Ally made the mistake of going to the supermarket where Breanna works. “She followed me down the aisles until she got me.”

Kenny Croke says the games are both exciting and scary. Kenny hasn’t been eliminated yet and felt the ceasefire declared the day of Junior Prom has calmed everyone down somewhat.

I developed some tips in my bomb shelter on not getting out so listen here:

1. If you have a dog, let them out before you take a step outside. This way if anyone’s camping around your house, you’ll know and your dog will eat them.

2. If you have a sibling or parent who leaves before you, let them out to see if the area is clear.

3. Always look for someone tailing you because they could strike the second you get out of your motor vehicle.

4. Keep a squirt gun, water bottle, or really anything with water in it to throw at your assailant at an hour of vulnerability. You don’t want to be empty-handed facing down the loaded barrel of a water pistol.

Well there’s my senior assassin article. Gotta keep this ending short because my bunker generator is running out of power any second. Wish me luck.

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